life..

well, Im feeling less and less motivated to write on here.. because i feel like Im just living, and i dont see how that could be interesting to anyone at all.. lets see, whats happened these past two or so weeks? I went to the craft market with Chelsea and Kelsey last week to get christmas presents. that was exciting as always. "my darling.. come to my store".. and kissy noises to get your attention. This one lady basicaly forced me to buy this necklace. i didnt even want it. but i ended up gettingit.. because she forced it in my hand and wouldnt take it back.. so i now have a very random necklace in my possesion. Ive worked and done college applications for the past week or so, so I haven't been able to go into the city much. I went to one of our dayworkers churches last sunday, that was really fun. I liked it alot. The preacher was really good. One of our dayworkers-- Loveth went home on monday, that was kindof sad, and Dorothea, our small group leader is leaving on friday which will be sad. Im really going to miss her. You start to get used to goodbyes here though, which is kindof strange. My mindset is that I'll either see them later in this life, or later in glory, and I'm thankful for the time I had to get to know them. This weekend Im going up to Northern Benin with one of the dayworkers to his home town. Soo (from Korea, she's my room mate) Fabio (from Brazil) and I are all going.. it'll be really nice to get out into the country side again.

one of my room mates is sick--michelle, in case you want to know really random things. We only have 5 weeks left in Benin, and then we sail to teneriffe. Im really excited about the sail :) I need to make the most of the time we have left here before we go. I feel like Ive done everything you can do in Benin. Im not sure if I wrote about the prison, but Ive been trying to go there as much as I can, and ive gotten to know alot of the women there, it's been really cool. last night we all went out with dorothea for the last time :( it was really fun though. O! and another one of my room mates, Mel is leaving on friday. and we have 2 new room mates on sunday. I have lived with so many different types of people, I will be so prepared for whoever my room mate is in college! Well, im sorry this is so short and not very interesting, ill try to upload some pictures-- one is of my dining team.. o! and we had a costume dance party on deck eight.. and ill include a picture from that.. i hope you all have a marvelous week! :)

Ghana!

Friday:
Well we started our day off at the lovely time of 3:30 AM. Our group consisted of Kendall, Michelle, Chelsea, Laurel, Belinda, Mariechen, Tillman, Paul, Tod, Grace, and myself. It was quite a fun group actually. I am really struggling to figure out how to put this trip into words. It was truly incredible. I’m going to attempt to make my words make sense, which might be rather difficult. Okay. We had to travel for most of Friday (it took ten hours in total to get to Ghana). After we arrived we were met by a very friendly man named Prince. He had been a patient earlier this year on the ship, so the doctors and nurses knew him already. He was the person who showed us all around Ghana. We picked him up and he took us to our hotel, which was actually pretty nice. The beds there were HUGE just to give you an idea Chelsea, Michelle, Kendall, and I were all going to share one—and share it comfortably for that matter. Paul ended up giving up his room though so Chelsea and I shared one room and Michelle and Kendall shared the other. After we were all settled in we went out to eat at a “fast food” restaurant in Akraa. We were staying in Tema, but Akraa is the capitol of Ghana, and it’s very well developed. The roads and everything were pretty nice. It looked like a city in the states.. except African. J After we went out to eat we went to a gelato place! Which was quite a treat for us, I haven’t had ice cream (besides fan milk) in 2 months. Afterwards we went back to the hotel and slept better than we had all slept in quite a while. I never realized how loud the engine is on this ship until I laid down to go to sleep that night. It seemed so quiet.

Saturday:

The next morning Chelsea and I were awoken by a sick Rooster, ha. I’m not entirely sure what was wrong with it. But its cock-a-doodle-doo sounded more like cock-a-doodle-eeerr…. (Imagine a beautiful screeching noise there) it was actually really funny to wake up to. We went to this little pavilion where we were served breakfast which consisted of omelettes, cheese, and toast. It was really good. I don’t know why I just told you what we ate, I doubt that’s really exciting to read about. I apologize. Prince (who just got married in march) brought along his wife and some of his family members. ANYWAYS, after we ate we drove to Akaa falls which took about 2 hours. We hiked down to the bottom of the falls which was just beautiful. Then we hiked to the top of the falls which was really lovely as well. The water was really calm until right before it went over the falls. Then we hiked up to a miniature version of the umbrella rock and sat under it. The view there was beautiful. It overlooked a village in the mountains. It was so nice to see so much green and breathe in so much fresh air. Then we went to the botanical gardens. The queen of England used to have a house in Ghana (so we were told) and she kept a beautiful garden which they have preserved. There were a lot of interesting plants and trees there. I know I keep saying beautiful, but I don’t know how else to describe everything. We were only at the gardens for a little while because they were setting up for a festival later that night (which we would in fact be attending). We went to Boti falls which was a little bit more of a hike than Akaa falls. There were two waterfalls at the base, two rivers ran beside each other, but never came together until they both fell into this pool. It was really pretty. I’ll try to put up some pictures next time, but I don’t know if pictures can really capture how incredible it all was. After the falls we hiked/rock climbed across two mountains to the top of another mountain which had the umbrella rock on top! Where we climbed to the top and looked out at the lovely view. It was truly breath taking. I don’t know what else to say. We went to the festival after that and watched some African dancers perform. On our way home we were drivng down the mountain and a bus came zooming past us—almost hitting our bus and screeching around the curve. We all thought he was just a really crazy driver, but Grace suggested we pray for them.. just in case something was wrong. We prayed for them and then forgot about it until we got to the bottom of the mountain. We saw all these people outside of a bus on the ground screaming and crying. It took us a while to figure out what was going on, but we finally realized they were praising the Lord that they were alive. The bus’ breaks went out—it was a miracle that they made it to the bottom of the mountain without an accident. God is cool huh?

Sunday:

Sunday morning we went to the canopy walk. Okay, so do you know those old bridges with the wooden planks and rope? We walked on those across the top of the rain forest, it was so cool. You would walk a little distance and then get to a platform in a treetop that had a really pretty view, and then walk again. It was really beautiful and really fun. I attempted to walk it with no hands. I succeeded for three of the bridges! Ha. That took up most of the day because it took a while to drive there from our hotel, but we still had a little time afterwards so we went to a castle on the Cape Coast. It was actually a fort where they kept the slaves until they were sent off in the ships for different countries. It’s really sad all they things that happened there, but the building itself was really pretty. It actually reminded me a lot of Greece. Not that I’ve been to Greece, but pictures I’ve seen of Greece. The ocean was really pretty. I wish I could describe everything to you, but I feel like in the end it would be kind of futile. It’s impossible to fully describe every aspect of our lovely little trip. After the castle we went out to eat and got ice cream again. O! I forgot to mention, Paul kept on trying to sell me to different street vendors for what they were selling, and outside the castle he traded me for 4 bracelets.. really? 4 bracelets? That’s all I’m worth? Ouch… He told me he wanted to make a thousand babies.. but I told him I don’t think that could happen… and I had to go.. so luckily I escaped that marriage.

Monday:

Monday morning we went to the market. The market in Ghana is much more pleasant than the market in Benin. No one yells at you to come into their store or anything, and they’re all really polite which is nice. After we picked up food for breakfast and some random fabrics we went on our way home. Our trip home was a little bit more exciting than our ride to Ghana. We kept getting pulled over and kept trying to distract the police men so they wouldn’t give us a ticket for random things.. people give you tickets here for the dumbest things.. so one time when we stopped one of the policemen kept looking at me, and then decided he wanted to marry me. He told me he’d be waiting for me till I came back, and he’d be praying for me everyday… Im sorry to disapoint you dear sir.. but i dont think I'll be coming back anytime soon. One policeman that pulled us over wasn't distracted so easily. He was rather drunk I do believe. He saw that we were white, and then proceeded to look for a way to fine us. He was trying to find anything he could, but everything was fine until our driver got our of the car. He was wearing Flip flops, which are apparently illegal in ghana. So he told us that we had to bribe him or he'd send us all to jail to wait for our court date, and we wouldnt bribe him, because it's part of the Mercy Ships rules, and because it's illegal. So we were waiting on the side of the road so he could tell us where to go, or that another officer could come get us... I was praying that we could just leave because i really wanted to get back to the ship, and not spend the night in a ghanaian prison.. and then out of nowhere a random man came up and told the officer to "let those people go" (like moses! ha... "let my people go") and then he just waved us away, so we pulled off as fast as we could! :)
We made it back alive and well, just slightly tired from our ten hour journey.

This week:
I slept in and rested on tuesday, and worked wednesday and thursday. On Friday I went with chelsea into the ministry sites, we went to the dental clinic, eye clinic, and the construction site. It was really interesting to see all the people we serve working at their different off ship sites. It made me realize that i sort of only pictured them eating. hahaha. I know that sounds funny, but i think in the back of my mind it was almost harder to just work and serve them because i had this attitude towards them like they never worked, but it was cool to see them all working. It's amazing all the different gifts God has given us.
Today I went to the prison and visited with the women again, I really like going back to the same place, you get to build relationships with each of the women. Chelsea and Kendall and I were holding this little girl who never smiled, and chelsea got a little laugh out of her. I was very proud of her. :) but when we left she started crying, it was kindof depressing really, but we'll be back next saturday.. tomorrow I'm going to church with one of the dayworkers--antoine. he works in the dining room with me. Im pretty excited. I hope you all have a wonderful week. :)

10/7/09

Prison

On Saturday I went to Prison. It was honestly a lot cooler than I was expecting it to be. I had had my heart set on going to the psychiatric clinic every Saturday but I decided to go to the prison at least once. Chelsea, kendall, Michelle and I all went. We unloaded from the cars into the street and waited on the people to come that came every Saturday (prison evangelists?) When they all showed up we filed in through the big metal doors into a room where a man just gave me a list of names and motioned for me to call them out (either he couldn’t read.. or our names were too hard to pronounce I think) Once all the names were called out we went to our different sections (I was in the women’s group). We walked into this big courtyard area (much like the psychiatric hospital) and it was packed with men… all the different prisoners. Now let me clarify something for you about the prisoners here—75% of of them are there without trial. In Benin you are guilty until proven innocent and sometimes it can take up to 2 years for you to have a trial, so many of the people in the prison were in there for crimes they never committed. It’s really sad. We were told that the police are bribed by people sometimes to arrest innocent people. It hurts my heart to see them in there for no reason. Its so unfair. We walked through the courtyard and went through an “alley” and we reached another metal door with a little window with bars over it, it was knocked on and we were allowed in—the women’s prison. Please remove any idea you have in your mind about what a prison should look like over here. There are no cells, it’s a courtyard.. with alley ways and “houses” there are no beds inside—just mats where they sleep. They are all given different jobs to do throughout the day to keep them busy. There are also a lot of children in the women’s prison—there’s no where else for them to stay, so they come to prison with their mom.
As always, when you first arrive at a ministry site it’s slightly awkward. You’re never really sure what to do. I prayed that God would help me, help me to love these people. That he would show me what he wanted me to do. Someone made the suggestion that we divide into groups of two or so and spread out. So I walked into the first “house” and saw two younger women inside with their children. I asked the woman with the older child if I could sit down next to her and she nodded yes. So I sat down on the matt next to her. She had a really cute baby girl who just stared at me and smiled some. There was another lady in the house with a new born baby, o yes, and one younger girl—about my age. I basically just sat and laughed at the children with them. I mimicked the different faces they were making and we just laughed. Michelle came in too, she was being followed around by a little girl who kept jumping on her. We decided to go out into the courtyard and listen to the message, but then the two women went back inside, so I went and sat in the doorway and just watched Kaylee play with this little girl. I love watching my friends play with kids. Michelle (who is my room mate if you didn’t know) was holding this little girl that didn’t like anyone it seemed besides michelle. She has quite a gift with children. I love getting to know all the different people on this ship. I’ve come to realize how many different gifts people have. I just think it’s so cool that we are all so different. I know that sounds really silly, but I am so glad that we aren’t all created the same. Anyways, after watching my friends for a little while I went back inside—and then the fun commenced! Kendall (one of my new room mates) came into the house, and so did Chelsea. They can both speak French (chelsea’s learning!) so I could finally understand what the women were saying. We sat around in a circle and just talked and laughed. There was one prisoner named Priska who was hilarious! She was trying to tell us that the little girl we were playing with had three brothers and sisters but we couldn’t understand her for some reason. So she said “her mother—(insert labor noises) 4 times!” hahaha it was so funny. They were talking about me but I couldn’t understand what they were saying so I just kept making weird facial expressions, which then resulted in laughter again.. then they would say something weird and I would start laughing. If felt like we had all been friends for a really long time. There was a little more confusion because Priska was trying to ask me if we breast fed back home, but I thought she was asking if I breast fed right now. So I said no, because actually I thought she was asking if I’d breast feed her baby for her.. hahaaha o dear, I said “I could try, but I don’t think it would do any good” It was quite a funny confusing situation. Then they said I looked like a singer they knew, and Chelsea decided to tell them I was, so Leah and I sang for them. Then Chelsea, Kendall and I sang and danced for them, Then The ladies joined in. It was so much fun. We were then told we had to leave, but I will definitely be going back. It was such an incredible experience.

Stepping out of the boat

As I told you last week my small group and I have decided to “step out of the boat” into the city of Benin to pray for the different people. We went in for the first time on Saturday. Priska, Dina, Chelsea, Dorothea and I all met on the dock and prayed that God would show us what exactly he wanted us to do today and who he wanted us to pray for. We walked down the street—just praying for the city of Benin and for the different people we saw. It was strange because usually there are a whole lot of beggars and crippled people on the streets, but that particular day we didn’t see any—the one day we were actually looking for them. We walked all the way down to the market and still.. no sign of anyone. Then we all started singing. Yes, I realize we probably looked like a cult, but we were singing “open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see you” It was so cool because then we saw a crippled man in the middle of the street. We all walked up to him and sat on the ground with him and asked his name and some other random questions, then a little crowd of curious men gathered around us and we asked if they wanted us to pray for them. We talked to them all for a little while and then prayed for each of them. Then we sang, I feel like I sing a whole lot more here, but that could be debatable. We then walked down the street on our way back to the street and prayed for the people we were passing when we saw another man who we went up and talked to—he looked to be crippled, but I’m not really sure if he was. We talked to a woman beside him and another boy, we just got to know the people and then asked if they wanted us to pray for them which we did. On our way back to the ship we lost Chelsea and Dorothea, they went off and played with some kids on the side of the street (they were walking behind us) we got back to the port and prayed again for the city and for the people. It was really cool to start building relationships with the people of cotonou and to actually pray with them. We’re going back out tomorrow and Tuesday.

Speaking of our small group: it’s been incredible. The girls that are in it—
Chelsea: she’s probably my best friend here, she’s my bunk mate, and we have the same working schedule, needless to say we spend a whole lot of time together. She’s our dining room team leader and she’s really great. She loves Jesus a whole whole lot. You can see it in everything that she does. She’s been an incredible encouragement to me in my walk with the Lord

Kelsey: She’s the newest arrival in our group, she’s really encouraging. I feel like God speaks to me through her in every small group we have. She always has a scripture or a quote or some amazing truth God has shown her that she can share. Tonight she talked about having a heavenly focus, I don’t know how to explain it really. I just feel like everything she says comes straight from the heart of God. She is such a blessing. She’s from The states as well, although I can’t remember which one :/

Dinante: She’s from the Netherlands, and her life is a really incredible testimony as well. I feel like she’s so full of wisdom. She passionately seeks the Lord in all she does. She’s really funny too, she and Chelsea were my first two friends on the ship really. Sadly she’s on the other dining team now so we don’t get to work together as much L

Dorothea: She’s our small group leader. She is also my room mate. J She is such an encouragement as well, I know I keep saying that. But it’s true about every single one of these girls. She’s so honest about what’s going on in her heart.. that even through her struggles she is a light to people. She is so loving, so compassionate. She made me cry tonight. She told me I was encouragement to her and I haven’t heard that in so long. I know that sounds silly, But I realized I have been so selfish lately that I couldn’t have been an encouragement to anyone. I was always bringing people down.. God’s been changing my heart though, and It was just really encouraging to hear from someone that they see a change. I want to be different. I want to be completely his. Tonight was a hard night for dorothea, one of the translators in the ward (shes an admissions nurse) was killed in an accident last night, so it was a hard day for her.. for everyone really. If you could be in prayer for daniel’s family, he has two children and a wife. O yes. Dorothea is from Switzerland. She blesses everyone around her with her contagious joy. She leaves on the thirtieth, which I don’t want to think about.

Priska: She is from Switzerland as well. She prays all day long which I think is really cool. She’s very honest about her struggles.. and what I love about her is the fact that she’s not afraid to yell at you if you’re being stupid. I was talking about my struggle with unbelief, and it was so so refreshing to just have someone tell me that I have a problem rather than sugar coat it. I said that when I pray for healing for someone I think I doubt in my heart, because if I fully believed God would and could heal this man and he wasn’t healed it would prove God wasn’t real to me. So she said “that’s your problem! You don’t believe! How can you pray like this and expect something to happen if you don’t believe?” Except in a swiss accent.. She’s really great. I am so thankful she’s in our group.

Irina: Irina is gone. Which hurts my heart. I miss her. She’s from Russia, except she lives in Poland. She was a new Christian, which was really cool to have in our group. She was always very honest about her struggles, and we had a lot in common which was nice. She really and truly desires to live her life for the Lord.

All these girls are such a blessing in my life—I put up a piture of us, this was before irina left.. our last small group all together L well I hope you all have a blessed day!

O and PS—we have three new room mates: Kendall: from St. Louis, Mel from the UK and Melanie from the UK. Melanie is only here a month, and I don’t quite remember how long Mel is here for.. but they are all quite nice. Our room mates all get along fine. That’s been a blessing.

well.. i tried.

Before I joined this ship I thought maybe I would want to do something in the medical field. I mean, where better to find out if that type of job would suite me than on a medical ship right? after shadowing surgeries.... well, lets just say I wouldn't make a very good doctor. I was really excited because it was my turn to shadow surgeries.. so i scrubbed up and skipped on down to the ward. I wasn't feeling very good this paticular day and we were really rocking-- which isnt the greatest set up for watching a surgery. Anyways, The surgery I was permitted to watch was prob. the most disturbing one I could watch I'd say.. first of all.. the placement on the body was a little gross, and it was a big tumor, full of fluid that they needed to get into and drain.. so they cut him open, and as soon as i saw the blood i started feeling a little light headed. so I started talking to the aneasthesiologist (i cant spell.. ) trying to distract myself, looking at all the machines this person was hooked up to.. and asking him alot of questions-- i know alot of random facts now.. but anyways, they burn the edges of the incision so that it will stop the bleeding, so then the room smelled like burning flesh-- yummy.. my favorite smell. So i thought i should prob look back at the surgery because thats why i was there, and alot of people wait a really long time to ger to see a surgery. so I should watch. BAD IDEA. i looked back as they had just cut deeper into the tumoresque thing to drain it.. which resulted in yumness oozing forth. which resulted in me on the ground. hahaha. yes. I wouldnt make a great doctor I don't think. One of the nurses came over and put water on my neck and i started laughing. and she assured me this was "normal" but i just kept laughing.. till i got to the bathroom.. and then i was just sick. and another nurse came in and told me I could go up to my room. i didnt have to come back. yes.. so that was a little bit of a disaster I'd say. My room mates told me i should go watch the eye surgeries.. because they're really interesting, and not so gross.. so i may try that. but you know? I tried.



Market

Chelsea lost her camera at Grand Popo.. which was a little unfortunate.. actually very unfortunate. I feel bad for her :( but we went into town to try to find another one on the street.. because they should be cheaper there. So we went in and found one man that was selling them but he asked us to wait while he went and looked for a digital camera.. so we sat down on these stools outside of a "shop" that was selling (prob. stolen) TV and DVD players.. and Chelsea and I decided it'd be funny if we were the shop owners. and were just talking about how funny it'd be if we started offering "our" merchandise the the people passing by.. like the real shop owners do. Right about then a man came up (into "our" store mind you) and offered us fishing nets of some sort.. and in response chelsea and i both offered him a TV or a DVD player... and he just looked really confused and said "no merci... " and walked off.. ha. I dont know if you'll find that funny. I found it funny.



hospital

chelsea and i adopted a patient together.. the language barrier is always a little hard. Cheslea's learning french though-- and she's gotten to use it a little bit which has been cool.. but whenever we went down to see our patient she had had jaw surgery or something, so i dont think she could talk. We just painted her nails and her toenails.. and the girls nails in the bed beside her.. it's always super awkward at first when you're down there.. becuase you just dont really know what to say or do. It's like that anywhere really. If you go into a ministry site-- at the psychiatric hospital, or the orphanage.. you show up. and then its kindof awkward trying to figure out what to do with yourself. Like I was saying earlier, it's so different to be somewhere for longer than a week or so, becuase you actually have to build relationships with people. You can't just be entirely fake with everyone.. which is usually the temptation-- at church, at school, on a missions trip. You can keep up the mask and not let someone truly get to know you as long as it's only for a few hours or a week or so. You can put up your lovely happy mask or whatever mask you choose.. but here-- im surrounded by people literaly all the time. So i've had to let them get to know me. whether i really want them to or not.

speaking of a hospital... i got pretty sick a little while ago and i spent a night in the ICU. now before you start thinking I was dying or anything.. it was the only ward with an open bed. calm your hearts. I had just been pretty sick for the past week and a half so i was pretty dehydrated. When they took my temperature it was too low... so they retook it.. and retook it. and decided my temperature was actually too low. so they kept me down in the hospital to try to get my temperature back up.. and to rehydrate me. My doctor said she might have to give me an IV to get fluids into my body, but me being my stubborn self didn't want to be stuck with a needle. so i woke up every hour or so and drank this lovely chalky liquid meant to rehydrate you. O! and I went down to the ward just to get some medicane for my throat. It had been hurting for a little while and there were some random white bumps on it.. so i just wanted to make sure I didn't have strep. ANYWAYS. Im okay now, but that was my exciting night in the hospital in Benin! (which actually wasn't that exciting).

Goodbye :(

I hate that word. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate it. Im sick of it. three of my good friends left tonight-- Leah, (with the braids--from Germany) Kate (from australia.. my room mate slash mother figure), and Irina (a girl from Russia who was also in my small group).. It was so depressing seeing all of them pull away. Life's going to be quite different without them here on the ship. I'm really going to miss Irina. I became really close to her when we started a small group. We have a lot in common, and it was really nice to have someone to talk to. I'm going to miss her a whole lot.

Normalcy

I know I've talked about this before, but it's the thought thats been consuming my mind for the past few weeks or so. The days have begun to go by seemingly without meaning. It's so strange to me. I don't know what I can do more to make myself wake up to the world around me. I know that ultimately it isn't within my powers to "wake myself up" I have to rely on God to keep my spirit awake... i just hate these times when I feel like nothing is happening. The "normal" times. I talked about this during small group, and I was really encouraged by Kelsey (she's semi-new.. she joined our small group 2 weeks ago). She just reminded me that these times aren't bad. It's when we use faith. For me at least, when I get into a routine and the days start to go by I do my devotion and i wonder if I have the right heart about it because i don't feel anything, nor am i really motivated to pray. I don't know, it's just frustrating to me. I don't know if I'm making any sense at all. I've also been really frustrated because I feel like on the ship they make sure you feel like what you do on the ship is enough-- "you're serving those who serve.. you're job is important bla bla.. " so on your days off you just chill out or go to the beach or go to the market. WHAT IN THE WORLD???? if i wanted to volunteer in America I would have. I came to Benin because I wanted to serve the people of Benin. I need to remember why Im here. When we go out into the city we don't just go out as tourists. We're here to love these people. Every person we see we are supposed to be showing the love of Christ to, but it's almost like the attitude is when you go off the ship you're on a "break" This is the atitude I've had within myself. I'm not judginng the people of the ship. I just feel like we're all wrong. My small group and I were discussing this last night and talked about how we just pass the crippled beggars on the street and the sick people lying there without even giving them a second look really.. "we can't help them" we think. But we could pray with them, we could talk to them, we could smile at them we could hug them. we COULD do so many things other than just walking by excusing ourselves because we cannnot help them physicaly. my own mindset makes me angry. We we're studying the story of Jesus walking on water, and peter getting out of the boat to walk to him.. we decided that together, we would "get out of the boat" haha i just realized how cheesy that is.. because we're on a ship. but seriously, we are going to step even more out of our comfort zones. We're going to go into the city and pray with/talk to the different crippled and blind people. We're taking a week to pray about what we think God wants us to do with this ministry. I'd appreciate it if you'd pray about it with me :)

I apologize that it took me so long to write this... I haven't been very motivated to get on the computer. I hope you all have a very blessed week. O! by the way, on October 9-11th Im going to Togo and Ghana! I'm so excited! everythings worked out... :)

every time i sit down to write here I don't know what to say. Sorry it always takes me so long. this week was better than last week was-- thank you for your prayers. I have really felt God's peace. I truly feel content in him. I feel like I'm where God wants me to be right now, and i feel like he's revealing alot to me about future decisions I need to make. It's truly incedible. I'm not going to lie, as you all know... it's really hard here sometimes. I really miss people from home at points, but over all i really love it. I'm so glad i came. okay so now i suppose I'll tell you what i did this week--

Hospitality Center

Before the ship opened for surgery in Benin a church team came and set up the hospitality center. They basicaly cleared out the entire warehouse and put beds in it, and electricity... it's a home for the people that have to travel a long way to have surgeries--or for the families of those recieving medical attention. We can visit the hospitality center whenever we want to. We can just visit with the different people there, or play with the children. It's strange, before now I always thought that my greatest ministry would be playing with the children. Since I've been here though I've really felt more led to talk with the women ( or attempt to talk.. with the tiny amount of french I've picked up) We usually just laugh together, and dance, and watch the kids.. laughing at the ridiculous things they do. I used to make fun of the people using signs to talk to each other because they had a language barrier.. but that's me everyday here. :) i'm drawing pictures in the dirt, playing charades, speaking in spanish (ha.. not that it really helps, but sometimes the words sound more similar than in english) all of which usually ends with laughter. I'm going to attempt to describe the hospitality center to you, and the road it's on. We walk there, down dirt or rock roads. It's only about ten minutes away from the ship. We pass "shops" along the way... which consist of little shacks usually. or open buildings (there's three walls) everything here is dirty. I don't know how else to describe it. You get used to it really fast, if you are a believer in germ X application every ten seconds i woulnd't suggest coming here, even the air is dirty. people use the restroom in the streets, i dont think i need to describe that. people on the ship have started jokes about the smells here now though. One girl suggested we make scented candles with the lovely smell of cotonue.. we have fresh urine, sun baked urine, or stale urine. I apologize.. I know that's discusting, and probably not very funny to you. Anyways.. people always click at you to get your attention, or just full on yell "yovo!" but you just keep walking, unless it's a child.. then you can play with them if you want to. anyways, we walked for a little while down the street and turn into an alley-- a dirt road in between two concrete buildings that leads to a fence.. we walked through the gate of the fence and we were at the hospitality center! hooray! there's a concrete slab out front that we usually play with the kids on-- we bring chalk, and coloring books, and our selves. Theres a few rows of benches with a tent over it people can sit on and talk under or whatever they want to do. There's usually a few mothers nursing there.. It's still really hard for me to get used to-- mothers just nursing away in public. I've also had to realize that my standards for modesty aren't neccsarily the whole worlds standards for modesty. For example, in America of course it would be considered innapropriate to walk around topless... but we don't worry about showing our knees. Here walking around topless is okay.. but if you show your knees it's really innappropriate. I wore shorts when we got to the beach and i felt so strange. ha. I felt like i was being so premiscous. I'm going to come home and be so shocked to see everyones knees! o dear! ha. Okay, so I didn't actually go inside the hospitality center, I just looked in. There are alot of beds lined up, and big tents for different families to stay in. It was pretty nice. It's always awkward when you first arrive somewhere-- on one of the mercy ministry sites.. because you don't quite know what to do. You just want to say, "hello! i'm here to bless you." that sounds quite ridiculous doesn't it? but that's the mindset i tend to have. I'm not really sure what i'm actually accomplishing through all of this. Anyways, I arrived and looked around really awkwardly after i said my "bonjour"s and then i was attacked by the children. First I colored with a little boy named benjamin- he was having surgery on his foot. He taught me the colors in french, and how to say crayon. There was a lady nursing next to me. I attempted to talk to her, but was dragged away by benjamin.. wanting to color with chalk. Since i can't speak french the children and i tend to just make random noises with our mouths (clicking noises) back and forth.. basicaly competing to have the strangest one. It's pretty entertaining for a little while. The women laugh at me. Not in a mean way, they think it's funny. I would laugh at me too. There was one little boy there named Theopil and he had had surgery on his eye-- so he had a big patch over it, and another boy named freddy who had surgery on his hand. there was a little girl there about three who had had surgery on her hand. we all colored together.. and the little girl just ran around singing "do dee da do dee da doe dee da" at the top of her lungs. I joined her of course.. and she made me go stand by the wall. I don't know why. she just pushed me up against the wall and told me not to move. ha. i think i was being punished for ruining her song. Theopil was a really good artist. most of the little boys just scribbled but he was drawing really good detailed things in chalk. when i told he and freddy my name they misunderstood and called me Beningen. Freddy drew an elephant and put my "name" in it. i dont quite know if he's calling me an elephant... or what. I then decided to go sit with the ladies.. and we just watched and laughed. They always want to hold your hand, and show you to their friends.. like you're a prize. It's interesting. The men there decided they should test out cheslea's math skills. So they wrote out these really big multiplication problems for her to do. Math i suppose is a universal language. ha. i hate math (sorry Mr. Walker). It was funny though, they were very entertained watching her work out these multiplication problems. They were all so excited when she got it right. well, the time finaly came for us to leave. The sun was setting. I can see the sunset now which is nice. it's beautiful. somehow when the sun goes down over this dirty city, over the broken down buildings and discusting streets it's so breath taking. I keep taking mental pictures in my mind because i don't think a camera could to anything i see here justice. I feel like I can try as hard as i possibly can to explain all of this to you, but it's still never going to make complete sense. I wish i could just transplant all of you here for a little while to show you what im talking about..

Camping!

well, last week i thought i was going to go to Togo, but we found out Visas are $50 for Americans, and I didn't want to (nor could i) pay that. So instead we went west. We took a taxi two hours west of Cotonue to grand popo. It was so great. I was feeling so trapped here on the ship, here in this city. I dunno, i just haven't seen green in a really long time, so I was slightly freaking out. I need to see the sky, I need to see a field, or a tree that's still alive at least once a month to function i believe. We started driving and about an hour out of the city I saw a field of green grass and a row of trees and i almost cried. I know that's so dramatic but I was so happy to see God's creation. We arrived at Grand Popo and sat by the beach for a while, we got to see the people bringing in the fishing nets which was really cool. We set up our lovely mosquito net and then sat around and read and wrote and listened to music all day. It was so nice. so relaxing. I could actually breathe out here. It was reallycool to sleep on the ground with a mosquito net under the beautiful night sky. I'm going to try to put up some pictures.. i need to get back to work soon. o! random fact: the night we got back people from the ship were having a bonfire down by the beach so i got to go to that, it was really nice. I'm glad I went. I hope you all have a blessed week!

well, i'll be honest.. this weeks been a bit of a rough one. I just feel completely drained, emotionaly.. physicaly. I don't even think i can make it through dinner tonight. I know i can.. i just really want to crawl into my bed and sleep.. but i can't.. because i have crazy dreams from my malaria medicane. which also makes me dizzy, and also makes me depressed.. so then we changed medicane and it made me have terrible nightmares.. so now im back to the first one with depression. anyways.. i apologize for complaining. I know i have alot of things to be thankful for... let me think. for some reason i can't quite remember everything i've done this week :/ o! well i worked monday and tuesday.. and then wednesday i read and did alot of laundry and just kindof rested. On thursday I went into the craft market with irena and chelsea.. which was a bit of an adventure i suppose. we started waking in a certain direction because we didn't really know where the market was.. we thought we could just get a zimmy and tell then where to go.. except we forgot that we don't speak french.. except for really random phrases. anyways.. we had to go get change from a bank.. with the language barrier it was quite interesting, but we needed change because if you pay anybody with big bills here they conveniently have no change. so we got change and found some zimmys.. used hand motions and random french words until they understood what we were saying and went to the market! we settled on the lovely price of 200 CFA-- which, if you want to figure out how much american money that is you double it and move the decimal place three places back.. so 200 CFA is $.40 and 2,000 CFA is $4.00.. you understand? anyways.. so we settled on that, but when we arrived he said 300 CFA.. but we argued for a little while and it went back to 200. he kept saying 300 CFA or no deal.. excuse me? were already where we need to be.. i don't think you can tell us no deal after were already there. it's really annoying because everything we buy here is like 3 times the price it would be for an african.. because were white. curse my skin color! ha... everyone at the craft market calls you into their store and shows you everything they have.. i bought some cards to send home-- dont be offended if you don't get one.. i didn't buy a whole lot. sorry :/ and my friend bought a jimbae.. it's actually really cool. it was hand carved. and we watched him put it together right there. we were given a free drum lesson.. but i don't know how much my drumming skills were improved. ha. i wouldn't call myself a proficient drummer. we then had the lovely task of finding 3 zimmys again to get a ride home.. which was a funny situation really. we were attempting to negotiate prices... and they were going off in french.. but we didnt know what they were saying, so i just decided to throw my hands up towards the heavens and yell i don't speak french.. in french.. i dont quite know what possesed me to do that, but they laughed.. and didnt get extremely wierded out which was good-- so we finaly got back to the ship all safe and sound :)


It's strange, how over time everything becomes normal here. You get used to the poverty, you get used to the hunger.. and it's dangerous even over here to begin to be too comfortable. comfort poisons the soul. but it's a feel-good poison.. so you don't even know it's bad for you. everything's become a routine again... it's strange to havea feeling of normalcy over here.. i guess whenever i get home.. that's when i'll be impacted the most.

im so tired right now.. i think it's because i've been pouring so much of myself out... like i was on a short term trip.. because on a short term trip you can give all you have.. and be in a good mood all the time, and love everybody so well... but haha surprise! if you're somewhere longer than two weeks.. that lovely mask fades real quickly. we're alll actually human on this ship.. we all get grumpy, get tired.. then we actually learn what it means for christ to live through you.. i am a completely broken vessel right now. if i was doing things on my own.. i could not clean one more little plate without punching someone... i could not take one more request from someone without crying and telling them to do it themselves. o man... i have to pray all day long. it's only through him only through him that i can make it... there are some people on the ship that aren't christians.. i dont see how they do it. i really and truly dont.

hey guess what? i'm ging camping in Togo next weekend! I have to go get a visa from the embassy... and then i'm all set! i can't wait!! hooray! i just thought i'd share that with you.. okay. i have to go take a nap before i go to work... but i hope you all have a wonderful week! o and in case i havent told you.. i'm trying to update this every sunday... :)

Bab's dock/church

Saturday I had an oppurtunity to go to bab's dock-- it's this place on the lake with kayaks, canoes, a sail boat, hammocks all along the "beach" and a volleyball court.. so i took that oppurtunity. and i am very glad i did.. :) It was so much fun! it was raining that day, but still.. it was really cool. we drove for about forty minutes out of town which was really interesting because i got to see alot more than just downtown cotonue.. aaa! i just figure dout how to put pictures on here.. these are pictures on the way there.. and at the lake.. i'll put some more up from that day..anyways, lea and i took out a kayak and we were out in the very middle of the lake when it started to pour down rain, and it's really warm here.. so it was really refreshing, and being out in the middle of it all was just beautiful.. we just sat there laughing and talking about how beautiful his creation is till it stopped raining.. and then as if God just wanted to perfect the scene a bird came flying by.. it was really great. I got to talk to everybody about alot of different things, it was just a really nice day. let's see.. i feel like adding pictures now, so that's what I'll do-- there will be a picture of my room, one of me and Dina (she has red curly hair) and one of me dina and chelsea in front of the ship.. and the sunset--there was a beautiful sunset one night, which is very rare.. because it's rainy season right now here.. soyou can't really see the sun. :( but it was so very beautiful one night.. the picture of the girl with the braids is lea.. we took them out after she had them for three days because they got on her nerves.. and theres one of me dorothea and dina i do belive before we took the boat ride to bab's dock.. we had to take a boat ride through this river thing until it opened up into the lake.. and if i can upload all of these i hope to put up some pictures PJ took.. they're really good.. the random toilet shot is of the toilets at bab's dock.. cuz we thought they were wierd... and we thought wed take a picture.. ha. you basicaly went in this hole and dropped in tree bark shavings to make it not smell bad.. i do realize this isn't that funny to anyone else. but lea and i thought it was for some reason.. anyways..

Sunday

On sunday i went to church, not the same one that i went to las time though.. i went to church in a soccer stadium this sunday. There were more than a thousand people there-- almost filling up the stadium (the practice stadium).. we got there and realized we were the only yovos.. four white people-- three girls and one guy in the midst of more than a thousand locals.. it was really cool. we walked in and were first taken to these really nice seats, but i felt really wierd because i would have much rather just sat with everyone else.. they came back and moved us though because the president of Benin was coming!! that was exciting.. so we moved to the back of the stadium with everyone else, and listened to the many announcements in french translated to the native language. and then leah leaned over and informed me we were sitting in the mens section, and sure enough! i looked around and we were the only women on that half of the church.. ha oops. it was actually pretty funny. they seperate women and men during church... well at least at this one church we went to. then hooray! the worship started.. that's always my favorite part. there was a whole lot of dancing, clapping and singing and then the message began. it was really hard to understand.. and we had to leave early for some reason (i cant remember now.. this was last week) BUT... we had to walk down the stairs to the middle of the stadium to leave.. hahaha. so not only did we draw attetnion to ourselves because we were white, but we were also the only women in the mens section and we had to get up and leave in front of everybody. wow that was awkward. sunday night we had an international night of worship on the ship-- it was so cool. there are 32 countries represented on the ship.. so alot of the countries got groups together and led us in worship. Liberia's was my favorite.. it just turned into a raggae jam fest and we all danced around the room for a while.

Ouida

well, i went to ouida-- a town about two hours outside of cotonue-- this saturday. we went and saw the gate of no return, which was a monument put up for all the slaves taken out of benin. It was really sobering. I don't know how else to describe it. Then we walked down the beach a little ways and there was another monument put up for all the missionaries that had come into benin.. it was really cool too-- to was a big rock slab basicaly, with the shape of benin cut out of it.. and then there was a cross on the other side, so through the shape of benin you saw the cross. I liked that monument alot. after we went there we went to a museum in downtown ouida.. a "prosperous" town-- meaning it had rock instead of dirt roads and more concrete houses instead of wood shacks. we were given a tour guide for the museum.. and he told us all about the history of Ouida, as well as the historyof voodoo in ouida and cotonue. voodoo is so prevalent here.. it's really scary, i don't know.. i guess you don't think about spiritual warfare so much at home. He said that alot of people go to catholic church sunday mornings and then practice voodoo at night "it's no problem.. it's normal here" what? my gracious that one sentence hurt my heart.. how exactly are we supposed to make it known that Jesus is the only way, that God is the ONLY God.. that even though that is there tradition here, that that is wrong. so if you'd like to pray.. pray for this spiritual warfare going on..

Sunday!

well... this sunday i went to action faith church-- i think im going to go there the rest of my time here.. it's a whole whole lotlike New City fellowship back home.. the songs are in english, so i actually knew them!! i was so happy to be singing a song i knew that i was singing at the very tip top of my lungs.. it was so great. and the message was really good, but we had to leave early because we were going to a futbol game that night, the word cup qualifiers it was benin VS Mali. that was quite fun! we were all herded through the doors, ive gotten used to feeling like cattle. we got there two hours early so we had front row seats!! it was really fun. Chelsea and irina and leah disappeared for the second half of it all.. because they went outside to get ice cream and couldnt get back in.. so that was slightly worrisome because i dodn't know where they went. i have to go back to work. that's what my weeks looked like so far though... i'm praying for all of you! o and if you're friends with me on facebook i put up an album...