well, i'll be honest.. this weeks been a bit of a rough one. I just feel completely drained, emotionaly.. physicaly. I don't even think i can make it through dinner tonight. I know i can.. i just really want to crawl into my bed and sleep.. but i can't.. because i have crazy dreams from my malaria medicane. which also makes me dizzy, and also makes me depressed.. so then we changed medicane and it made me have terrible nightmares.. so now im back to the first one with depression. anyways.. i apologize for complaining. I know i have alot of things to be thankful for... let me think. for some reason i can't quite remember everything i've done this week :/ o! well i worked monday and tuesday.. and then wednesday i read and did alot of laundry and just kindof rested. On thursday I went into the craft market with irena and chelsea.. which was a bit of an adventure i suppose. we started waking in a certain direction because we didn't really know where the market was.. we thought we could just get a zimmy and tell then where to go.. except we forgot that we don't speak french.. except for really random phrases. anyways.. we had to go get change from a bank.. with the language barrier it was quite interesting, but we needed change because if you pay anybody with big bills here they conveniently have no change. so we got change and found some zimmys.. used hand motions and random french words until they understood what we were saying and went to the market! we settled on the lovely price of 200 CFA-- which, if you want to figure out how much american money that is you double it and move the decimal place three places back.. so 200 CFA is $.40 and 2,000 CFA is $4.00.. you understand? anyways.. so we settled on that, but when we arrived he said 300 CFA.. but we argued for a little while and it went back to 200. he kept saying 300 CFA or no deal.. excuse me? were already where we need to be.. i don't think you can tell us no deal after were already there. it's really annoying because everything we buy here is like 3 times the price it would be for an african.. because were white. curse my skin color! ha... everyone at the craft market calls you into their store and shows you everything they have.. i bought some cards to send home-- dont be offended if you don't get one.. i didn't buy a whole lot. sorry :/ and my friend bought a jimbae.. it's actually really cool. it was hand carved. and we watched him put it together right there. we were given a free drum lesson.. but i don't know how much my drumming skills were improved. ha. i wouldn't call myself a proficient drummer. we then had the lovely task of finding 3 zimmys again to get a ride home.. which was a funny situation really. we were attempting to negotiate prices... and they were going off in french.. but we didnt know what they were saying, so i just decided to throw my hands up towards the heavens and yell i don't speak french.. in french.. i dont quite know what possesed me to do that, but they laughed.. and didnt get extremely wierded out which was good-- so we finaly got back to the ship all safe and sound :)


It's strange, how over time everything becomes normal here. You get used to the poverty, you get used to the hunger.. and it's dangerous even over here to begin to be too comfortable. comfort poisons the soul. but it's a feel-good poison.. so you don't even know it's bad for you. everything's become a routine again... it's strange to havea feeling of normalcy over here.. i guess whenever i get home.. that's when i'll be impacted the most.

im so tired right now.. i think it's because i've been pouring so much of myself out... like i was on a short term trip.. because on a short term trip you can give all you have.. and be in a good mood all the time, and love everybody so well... but haha surprise! if you're somewhere longer than two weeks.. that lovely mask fades real quickly. we're alll actually human on this ship.. we all get grumpy, get tired.. then we actually learn what it means for christ to live through you.. i am a completely broken vessel right now. if i was doing things on my own.. i could not clean one more little plate without punching someone... i could not take one more request from someone without crying and telling them to do it themselves. o man... i have to pray all day long. it's only through him only through him that i can make it... there are some people on the ship that aren't christians.. i dont see how they do it. i really and truly dont.

hey guess what? i'm ging camping in Togo next weekend! I have to go get a visa from the embassy... and then i'm all set! i can't wait!! hooray! i just thought i'd share that with you.. okay. i have to go take a nap before i go to work... but i hope you all have a wonderful week! o and in case i havent told you.. i'm trying to update this every sunday... :)